Teach your middle schooler how to set realistic academic goals

Students who are successful in school know how to set academic goals for themselves. Here are tips for setting sound academic goals:

Make them specific. Goals should state exactly what your child wants to do. Example: "In the next quarter, I will have at least an 80 percent average in all my classes."
Make them measurable. Your child should be able to record progress toward his goals. Example: The goal of 80 percent in all classes is measurable. With this goal, your child can look at his average at different points in the quarter. Then he can compare his actual performance with his goal performance.
Make them achievable. Example: "I'm going to be captain of the football team in my freshman year" may not be an achievable goal. Even if your child has the talent to achieve it, doing so depends on the decisions of many people other than himself. Your child should own his goals and be responsible for making them happen.

Speak to your child with respect; expect the same in return

As an adult, you probably speak to your friends and colleagues with respect. But what about your child?

It's natural for family members to let their guards down around each other and speak to each other in a more casual way than they do with others. But if that crosses into disrespect, you are doing your child and yourself a disservice. If you don't speak to your child with respect, he will never learn to speak respectfully--to you or anyone else.

Here are some tips:

Start with the basics. A "Hi, honey," or even a simple "Good morning" goes a long way.
Consider feelings. If you know your child had a bad day at school, this may not be the best time to scold him about not making his bed. Bring issues up when your child is feeling better.
Be attentive. Take your eyes off the TV when your child speaks to you. Look him in the eye. If you are in the car driving, you obviously have to watch the road. Encourage your child to speak to you anyway. A lot of great parent-child communication happens in the car.

Building Responsibility

Foster a sense of responsibility through consequences & choices

Your child won't morph into a responsible young adult overnight. It's a process, and it takes time. To nurture your child's sense of responsibility:

Enforce consequences. Dole out penalties when your child breaks the rules. This will remind her that she is responsible for her actions. And when she messes up, she only has herself to blame.
Give her chores. Chores are ideal for building responsibility in your child. Even better, completing them may make her feel capable.
Have her manage money. Nothing hammers home the "be more responsible" message like empty pockets! Give your child chances to earn money and teach her how to manage those earnings.
Let her make choices. If possible, allow your child to decide issues for herself. Obviously, you should offer guidance. But whenever it's reasonable--and safe--for her to make her own decisions, stand back and let her.

Reprinted with permission from the April 2010 issue of Parents Still make the difference!® (Middle School Edition) newsletter.