Do you know how to apply effective consequences?

Disciplining your child involves establishing consequences for broken rules. Are your conse-quences effective and appropriate? Answer yes or no to the questions below to find out:

___1. Do you use natural consequences when possible? Example: Your child leaves her shoes outside, again. It rains and they are ruined. She must earn the money to buy new ones herself.

___2. Do you use logical consequences when natural consequences don't apply? Example: Your child breaks curfew on Friday night. She must stay in the next night.

___3. Do you make consequences meaningful? Consequence should involve something your child cares about.

___4. Do you stay in the present when setting consequences? Don't drag up past mistakes or predict mistakes your child will make in the future.

How well are you doing?

Mostly yes answers mean you are setting suitable consequences. For no answers, try those ideas.

Reinforcing Learning

Show your child how to use time more wisely

You have experienced a semester of the many demands of middle school. The second semester can be even busier than the first. Using time wisely is essential. Your child should resolve to do so and you can help. Encourage your child to:

Expand use of planners. Your child should already be writing down all her assignments, upcoming tests and due dates. Have her consider adding study schedules in her planner.
Practice saying no. Your child can't accept every invitation or volunteer for every event and stay on top of her schoolwork. Using time wisely means sometimes responding with, "Thanks for thinking of me, but I have too much on my plate right now.
Take a different approach for tests. Just one time, have your child agree to study 20 minutes a night for one week, instead of waiting until the night before the test. Discuss the difference in how she used her time, and what the result was.

Setting Expectations

Setting clear expectations for your middle schooler is key

Don't make your middle schooler guess what you expect from him. Spell it out! When it comes to setting expectations for your middle schooler:

Be precise. "Clean the basement" might mean totally different things to you and your middle schooler, so make your instructions clear. "Please put your video games away, bring your dirty plate upstairs and vacuum the rug."
Give a time frame. Attach a very specific time frame to chores. "I need you to empty the dishwasher within the next 15 minutes." It may help avoid foot-dragging on your middle schooler's part.
Get his input. Your preteen isn't a little kid anymore, so don't treat him like one. Whenever possible, let him put in his two cents when it comes to the house rules. For instance, has he been insisting that he's old enough for a later bedtime? He may be right.
Trust him. Respect your middle schooler by assuming he'll do what he's told. (In other words, don't hover as he works.) If he falls short again and again, you may need to supervise more closely. But if he does well? Honor him with some breathing room.
Offer praise. Is your middle schooler doing a great job following the rules and pitching in? Let him know!

Reprinted with permission from the January 2010 issue of Parents Still make the difference!® (Middle School Edition) newsletter.