Are you giving your child effective consequences?

Consequences are the cornerstone of discipline and, in fact, of everyday life. Every action (the cause) has a consequence (the effect). Answer yes or no to the questions below to see if you are using consequences effectively:

___1. Do you give consequences in a timely fashion? A consequence given more than a day later can lose its effectiveness.

___2. Does the consequence fit the action or missed action? If your child doesn't put clothes away, he gets no clean clothes until they are put away.

___3. Does your child understand the consequence?

___4. Does your child understand the difference between consequence and punishment. Consequences are the logical results of his own actions.

___5. Do you let the consequence speak for itself? Lecturing destroys the power of a consequence.

How well are you doing?

Mostly yes answers mean you are giving meaningful consequences. Mostly no? Check the quiz for some suggestions

Building Respect

Remember to be respectful when disciplining your preteen

How can discipline teach your preteen to respect you? By showing her that you take things like house rules seriously, and that you're committed to enforcing those rules.

Of course, respect is a two-way street, so be respectful to your preteen when disciplining her:

Be fair. Don't expect her to be perfect or never to mess up. Everyone makes mistakes.
Be reasonable. Resist the urge to threaten her with an outrageous punishment (such as grounding her for a year). To avoid giving an unreasonable consequence, don't say anything in the "heat of the moment."
Be consistent. Once you make the rules, stick to them. If it isn't okay for your preteen to break curfew tonight, it shouldn't be okay tomorrow or next weekend either.

Reprinted with permission from the November 2008 issue of Parents Still make the difference!® (Middle School Edition) newsletter